One More Thing
This week, my lamp melted. 😦
I am very distraught over the tragic end of this lamp, who has enabled me to read in light and comfort for the past two months in which I have been attending college. He will be missed.
I’d like to set the scene for you. It’s four AM on a dark, misty morning. I switch on the lamp (which clips onto my bed) so I can find my sweatshirt. I cross over to the opposite side of the room where I begin to notice something smells like it’s burning. I check on my laptop, and then the fridge, but come to the conclusion that I must just be paranoid.
I cross back over to turn off the lamp, and find this:
Warning: The damage depicted in this next image is pretty graphic.
So, I’m a little concerned, seeing as my mattress almost became flambé. But more than that, I am very confused. What exactly happened this morning, and not every other morning, that caused my lamp to turn into a Salvador Dali?
I’ve come to the conclusion that this was no mere accident. So I’ve rounded up the suspects for you.
Mr. Television was picked up at a deluxe Walmart and showed up at Hofstra fresh out of the box. He thought he was a big shot, with his wide-screeniness and ridiculously-unneccessary sizeness (my bad). But it soon became clear that poor Mr. TV would be doomed to a life of neglect, as he was replaced by Netflix and Hulu. With his unfortunate placement near the bed, he was tortured every morning and night by the knowledge that even the lamp got more use than him. And so, driven mad by jealousy, he hatched a devious plan for revenge, joined by his accomplices:
I rely on my alarm clock more than any other electronic device in the room (except maybe my laptop). I don’t wake up to my phone alarm or the alarm on my computer, so without this guy I’d be lost. I believe he might have grown jealous that Mr. Lamp helped me out in ways he could not, no matter how bright those little green digital numbers tried to shine. Plus, his proximity to the scene of the crime is a major red flag.
He just has a shifty look about him.
So there you go. All the suspects have been rounded up; it’s only a matter of time. My poor lamp will not go unavenged! If any of these shady characters arouse your suspicions, leave a comment and let me know. 🙂 La justice sera servie!